I don't know how to explain it, but unless you actually lost a child, I don't think anyone really understands the true pain, the true heartbreaking pain of a loss. It is surreal.
And all the little annoying things they had suddenly is now those precious moments that mean a world to you and you would give anything to have those little annoyance come back.
It seems like photos are just not good enough at the moment. You want that person to be here in the flesh and blood. You want the flash backs of the day of death to good away. You want that memory to just vanish. You want that peace....even if you know they passed away in peace, you still want to hold them again. To kiss them. To feel their warm body. To rub their head again.
I will never forget that moment Timothy passed. I was angry that the rest of family chose not to be with him at that moment. its like they did not believe in me of what i told them. Tim died in my arms, alone with no family support. I was angry because my son was leaving me- alone. Afraid. i would not hear his voice again. See the expression on his face he would make or rub the top of his head like he loved. He would spend the next week in a refrigerator- cold with no blanket to keep him warm. I was angry and feeling guilty myself. How could this had happen to him! to me! why? I was angry at God for taking him away from me to soon. Why?! Why?!
"We will never forget "that moment" -- the moment we found out our child
left this earth. That is the moment our very own heart stopped beating
momentarily. That is the moment our head began spinning and we thought
we were going to die. That is the exact moment we fell into a pit of
nothingness -- feeling isolated, alone, and broken. We will always
remember. Why? Because the moment our child died we lost a large portion
of our heart. That does not mean we will never smile again. What it
means is we will never be the same person again, so please don't place
that unattainable expectation on us by saying, "I can't wait until you
are you're old self again." The moment our child died, we became a
different person -- we will never be our old self again! Our old self
died the moment our child died."
- Silent Grief Child Loss Support
Clara Hinton - Author and Speaker
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| Tim talking in his sleep. |
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