On April 3- Tim's birthday. I went to Rogers Farm and got some fresh veggies and another 3 flats of strawberries. I ended up getting blueberries at Publix which cost much more then strawberries almost. But I made some fruit salad with it...strawberry, blueberries, mangoes. I should had taken pictures- it looked good. I took some to the church potluck. It practically disappeared by the time I got to the potluck...was helping for the funeral of a church member. I also got Tim a small carrot cake and balloons.
I had hoped to do a birthday celebration for Timothy. I waited all day to hear from my friend but nothing. No calls. No text. Nothing. I was shocked that she didn't even show up like she kept insisting she would be there but didn't show up. .I was quite disappointed and yet upset that no one gets it. I stood outside in the back of the church and wept. I realized during all this - one of our youth did photography work. After asking her about a project, I found myself running home quickly to complete it. I feared that by the time she had finished it, it was not done right. I was not properly fixed up to make the photo look right. So I knew I needed to do this right by having it re-done.
The only birthday card I got for Tim was from Streetlight, a youth program from Shands
By Sunday morning, Easter, I attended the early Easter sunrise program at the part up the road...come to find out I was the only guest there. But I enjoyed the company of the small church members and he pastor. They were all above 60 years old. It was a good service.
From there I went to the walk that Jeff is doing the 5k for his non-profit organization. They also had a delightful breakfast. I was the last one to walk back but only because I was having some health issues due to the stroke. I can't remember what it was but know (I think it was) some breathing issues. Fortunately I had some good church family that was patiently waiting for me to walk in. Boy I need to do some more walking, I don't why that day though took the breath out of me.
From there I went to the City wall on 34th Street, to paint a memorial wall for Timothy. I had one helper, and the wall didn't turn out the way I had hoped but it was done. I now know, lol, to get the right size paint brushes. I had the balloons I was going to tape up to the wall. But somehow they disappeared. We didn't notice they were gone until we were ready to put them up. Its like where did they go. I just figured Tim secretly took them when we weren't looking. But it will be redone with much more DMD names.
I am doing so much in Timothy's memory. I know many must thing I am crazy. People who never had children or children who have died on them just does not get it. They don't realize how important the two dates are important: the anniversary of his death and his birthday. Tim's birthday and anniversary date are a month apart.
I found myself bringing the carrot cake and balloons to the church and setting it up in the foyer. It was Tim's birthday. I did not want to share it alone. I know people think or look at me crazy, but until you are a parent who has lost a child, you will never get it. After vespers, more folks participated. After vespers some of us went to the Indian restaurant- ohhhh I love my samosas. it was soooo good. I tried the Honey Chicken curry. soooo good.
Here it is Friday and Tim's wall still looks good. I'm keeping it up. Probably will redo it but, now it will be better. REMEMBERING TIMOTHY.
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