As I was walking back from the cafeteria at the hotel, my mind just dawned on me that this has come to the end of the story. The last person who can truely tell us what really happened on the day my mother passed has now died.
I know! I know! I know what you are going to say. But I have been working on this story for years. Trying to find out the truth. Why so many mix ups and why seems like others are hiding the truth and so afraid to let it out. Just a vibe I felt.
As I was about ready to write the letter to my stepdad, Dominic, who just passed away, I realized, this has now come to the End of the Story.
Not only his life ended, I realize maybe now its time for mine too. Truth to be known, I knew that Change & Healing.had to be brought up in this family. There was way to much friction and I know It had to be because of decietfulness and how people choose to believe in lies than to know the truth and instead of showing respect, it was so much easier for family to criticize everything you do and say. And no matter what you said, it just was not worthy enough.
I had to wonder why I keep my connections with family when all they wanted to do was to criticize me in all that I do. I just left the room, not realizing the door slammed and when I returned I tried to stop it from slamming when my sisters said something. OMG you would think the world ended...yet there were so much they do and say that can be criticized but yet, I held my tongue because when I tried to say something I was slapped for it. I realized this was the truth. I no longer belong not to the family. Now I know and realize the support was so much lacking.
I need a life where people will help me with change without criticing every single thing I do or say. I need a change of environment. I need a place where there is change and mostly in my life where there is healing. I need to be someplace where people will make me feel worthy, as I know God always does. I need to disconnect myself from people who will not help me heal but make feel like shit.
I feel like that family until this day- a year later, still does not understand my sorrow and pain of the lost of my son. To them, its just a lost of a nephew, a cousin, a grandchild. Little to they realize the loss of that nephew, cousin or grandchild is my child and that lost is beyond what they would comprehend. They have NO clue what it is like to loose a child. They have NO clue what that pain is like.
I am making changes..and I think it is that is what is threatening them...to loose the control or power over me that they want to tear me down. Something I choose no longer to give to them they think they have over me.
To be bury with Dominick
February 27, 2015.
The end of the story- your story ends here. It is hard to believe that the time has come to close your life. The end has come on earth, but the new has begun for you in heaven for God.
God used you in so many different ways as a servant to share the love God and you had to go through alot of tough times to get where you are now. For a long time, even after I felt I had to forgive you or my ego or naiveness kept me from understanding the truth of what happened that terrifying day on 9/30/1971. I needed to know the truth... I needed some peace to know and I knew it was mommy coming to me to know and learn the truth. Oh I know how much you all hated the fact I got those court papers but that was only a piece of it.
The secrete was held in the minds of the many who was best of hiding it and decietfulnes of keeping it from us. And as alowly each who was presnet on that day and related the secrete began to decease I know that each was going to thier graves with the real truth, leave the rest of us with so many unanswered questions.
But once Timothy passed my long 30 plus years of grief for my mother loss changed to the heartbreak pain loss of my son.
I had realized the day I was rebaptized that I had to forgive and bury all that loss. I realized tonight that we have come to the end of the story. And maybe now my mother's spirit will now be at peace. Maybe now this was her justice.
I guess one day that when we find out on judgment day or on resurrection day who will meet at Jesus feet, maybe then the secrete will be told..& then the story will end.
Go in peace Dominick, go in peace with God.
Forgiveness releases you.
love always...
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