I had just laid down, it was a little rough morning. I had to get up a little early to get Judy ready for Al's house. Working with an Alzheimer patient is not an easy task, but more like a challenging task and at the same time, a loving task. I just wanted to take a quick power nap and shower and get out...but then the phone rang. It was not the most pleasant conversation. All I knew I had to quickly clean my suv out- take everything out and try to organize the day. Running here and there and take care of some legal matters quickly, while yet feeling paranoid and looking over my shoulders. Why? I had no need to, not even the fear but it was still there.
By the end of that journey, I found myself parked in front of a bank. I was voluntarily giving up my suv. In all reality, I didn't have a choice. I really had it longer than I was suppose to. But I was so dependent on it - way to much. Now I would be wheeless. Without the SUV. I made sure I took pictures....proving I voluntarily returned the truck to the bank...I even showed the SUV parked in front of it. I made sure that, although I hated what he was doing, he was still good look- so cute. Ok I know that sound stupid, but its the truth. Any how, I made sure that I got a letter from them acknowledging that I returned the truck and they had the keys.
I hated to say good-bye to my golden wheels. Especially since I found it was my main source to connect with Tim. When that horn goes off on its own- I know that it is Tim and I talk to him. I wept knowing that was my last chance to connect with him. I told him if he was to chat with me, to do it now otherwise, just haunt them with the long and loud beeps. (LOL)
(waiting for photos to upload)
This year seems like it is a year of loss. And the worse part is that the year is not over yet. So my fear is knowing there may be more losses. I don't know how much more I can bear, but I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I'm discovering more n' more that this really has been a journey for me and I know God is preparing me, molding me, building me for something great. IF not for while on earth, for sure in His kingdom. I now really need to trust Him. Just not for new wheels, but for life in general.
I weep for my earthly losses, including my beloved son, but I rejoice in God's power for what He will do - something great for me with His favors and blessings. oh by the way, the good looking guy also left me with $108 that i took home. Why they didn't take it for a payment on the truck, I had some extra money for groceries. So maybe it was a win-win thing, sort of, kind of....hey I walked with cash, he had the truck. and I'm still in debt.
As I rode away with my friend, I chose not to look back. I had to forget my yesterdays, my flaws, and also I just could not bare to say good-bye to Timothy...again.
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