Its hard to believe that it is Thanksgiving already. It seem so far away at the time of Tim's death and I had prayed I never had to come to the terms of him not being around on this day. Somehow and with God's help, I have managed to get through this so far without bursting out in tears.
For many years, it would be just Tim and I for thanksgiving. Although he could not eat, we still always find a way to celebrate it. Sometimes he would be at his computer all day, but on his last Thanksgiving, I can easily remember that he laid in bed sleeping most of the time and when he was awake, he would get the taste of his sweet potatoes, mash potatoes, some good & delicious grape juice...& of course his Rootbeer float. Together we would sit in his room and watch movies all day. Most of the time family would not be there to celebrate the holiday together.
If I had known that the last thanksgiving was our last, I think I would made sure it was one of the most special ones with him. Of course, we never know when our last days here will be, so now I have learned to celebrate everyday as if if was the last day.
For every time I come into my room now, a box that is in front of my doorway is labeled, "Timothy" on it. One of the many of Timothy's boxes that came out of the storage unit. Many of his things are now in my room. His photos. His computer. His CD's, his blankets. Anything I would keep my connection with him. It's not a matter of letting him go. That will never happen. You can't ever just let your son go- whether he is alive or not. But right now, he is not.The void in your heart is a painful void that many have never experience.
I'm thankful that today I have so far survived the year. This year I have had many many many trials. Many up and down's. Many losses and serious heath issues. and I am thankful that God has been with me with every bad & good thing I've experienced. And although He knows I still mourn and grieve for Timothy, I still find positive ways to keep Tim's name alive the same way I keep God's name alive...& lit!
To all who has been with me on this journey this last year, I thank you for your love, prayers & support.
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