Tic-tock The clock is ticking...

As I laid in my bed, no television on, no cell phone, no radio, just pure silence; with the exception of the clock ticking away.   Each tick was a second going by.  Each second going by I laid there thinking of not only of Timothy...memories flowing through my mind as tears trickle down my face, but also thinking of God and how far I have come. 

Years ago, before renewing my mind, transforming my thoughts, I would had now been dead. That was my plan when Tim was to die to take his body into the woods with me and die with me.  It was not just a bipolar thing-sure but the fear of living without him.  If I had only known God so much better then, than I could have really introduced an Awesome God to Tim then and not waited so long. 

Sure, I still suffer from depression, more so now that grief has really hit me a year later, but at the same time my depression is causing so much physical distress.  But now my thinking about this is so much different than 3-4 years ago.   Because I chose to transform my way of thinking.  Ok yes...lol...I still deal with those that 'paranorial" but I blame my depression for that and yes even my anxiety has come back too.  But I am still learning how to put all this in God's hands and let Him handle my problems for me. I have to trust Him. I need to trust Him.    

Tick-tock, the clock is ticking.....breaking a silence, while at the same time healing the broken heart.