I have been a member of group that all have lost a child or children. This has been a good and supportive group. Then suddenly out of the blue an article came out about Joel Osteen and what he wrote in his book, "Your Best Life Now" about grief with a set of parent and not allowing 'self-pity' devour them. Well - that self pity as he described is more like our Grief that we as parents knows it.
Ok...I get it, he was totally insensitive and ignorant about grief- parental grief. However, we have to remember not everyone will experience the same way. You have to give credit to the parents mentioned in the book how they handled their grief.
The group agreed in a letter written to Pastor Joel. written by Lynda Fell Personally, I did not. Its just not me. I just didn't want to waste my energy into negativity. That is how I felt. That is what I believed. Pastor Joel is a good man with good intentions. Yes he may have lacked knowledge of this type of grief, the sensitivity to it, but he is not a bad man/Pastor.
My response to this was greatly different then it was for them. They wanted to publically scold him on his FB page and Twitter only because they were "blocked" or no response from their letters or posts. Perhaps they didn't get that response they wanted was because how they went about it. However, I did write a loving letter with hope through this I educate him a little bit.
I just lost it. I am sorry but I did copy it and then instead of posting it here, I forgot and made a copy of something else and now I can't get it back...yet. However, I did write to Pastor Joel and in my humble Christian way - I wrote him. So I 'scolded" him but not in a way most people would. Quietly, and with sensitivity, lovingly and yet in a educative way. In a loving way to get his attention and NOT to frighten him away.
Not everyone is sensitive to our parental grief. Not everyone understands or lacks knowledge of parental grief...simply because they did not experience the death of a child.
Joel Osteen might had made the mistake of documenting about grief- of parents who lost their child. He documented about grief in the way he knew about it. Does not make him a bad man, or a bad pastor or even a bad book. So far all his books and messages have inspired me, helped me to grow closer to God. I mean even my pastor and the millions of other pastors and even family lacks this knowledge about our grief. It for sure does not make them perfect. Hell, even we are not perfect. Even we were ignorant about it before we lost our children.
I agree, family, our pastors or even "Celebrity Pastors" needs to be sensitive to our grief, but maybe it is because they truly need to be educated about it. But all this happened for God to call us to educate them. Maybe all this happened from Joel Osteen book for a good reason and purpose. Was our grief that caused all this anger was part of God's plan? So why waste your energy in all that anger towards a man like this when we can turn it around and use him (and even Him-God) to help educate the community how to be sensitive to our grief. turn all that energy around. Make it into something good and not slash out or demean or belittle someone who can do more good than bad?
I also realized my reaction to this group. I didn't agree how they went about it, but it really was not my place to "scold" them in their own grief. I realize in my own way I too lost that sensitivity. I get it...I lost my own son and understand that grief, but I will need to be sensitive to how they felt. Yes, they allowed their grief to cause anger but they needed to find a way - a safe and sensitive way to express that anger.
Friends, let us learn the knowledge to properly be sensitive to parents who lost a child. Yes we might make mistakes how to express this, but through this mistake, let us learn to how to be sensitive and even we don't know a way to say it, we can learn to express it ...by just being there.
So here is my apology to them...
"You know we all can agree to disagree- I get that. I was NOT trying to be rude to anyone here, however, I do want to apologize for my reaction. I still do not agree how you all went about this. I did do something on my to respond to his writing, but not how you all did it. i am a JO fan and through him I went not only back to church but to God. I am sorry you all choose not to see the goodness in this man even if I know what he wrote, but don't think that was his intention to belittle any of us or understand our grief. But he is not alone to not understand this and lacks that knowledge of grief, there are millions or others including family who lack this knowledge. We were also just like this before we lost our children too."
"You do what you have to do what is comfortable for you through your grief journey. I need to do what I think is right for me through my grief journey and I know scolding and demeaning a fellow Christian is not the way to go about it. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. But thankfully we have an Awesome God who not only loves us and accepts us unconditionally but forgives us for all our mistakes, including the lack of knowledge of parental grief."
"I have found a wonderful supportive group and I am choosing to be part of that so that this society does not change the way I think, how I feel or change my behavioral towards ignorance or hate. Yes we can hate for what he said and that he lacks this knowledge, but I do NOT hate him."
"Again, I apologize if I offended anyone or hurt anyone feelings. It was NOT my intentions. But I wish you well and pray for God's comforting hugs and love during your grief journey. I know He is there for me and always will be no matter how many times I often may be angry at Him or anyone else. I have to trust Him. I need to trust Him and just leave it in His hands and know He will take care of it...in His time. My healing, as yours, may be a long time but maybe that is in God's timing."
"Safe n' comforting hugs,
Dee"
May the Grace of God be with each of you!
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