Sweet Revenge

I stood at the wall ...& wept.  I wept. As a grieving mother, I wept for my son, as I wept for those who vandelized his memorial wall.

I had painted a Memorial wall for Timothy on 34th Street here in Gainesville.  Its a wall that allows people to come and express themselves. But some of the "expressions" were not truly expression but more like hideous hate and disrespect.

The wall next to Tim's was a wall that several wives, children & friends had painted in memory of their fallen soldier, men who died who served in wars such as Afghanistan, Iraq or even in the Middle east.  Most of these men "murdered" killed for defending their country, not just America but the country the war was in. 

But as I stood there, weeping for the pain of not only the lost of my son, Tim, but what these immature disrespectful young people did to his wall...& their wall.   Why have these children not been taught to respect those spots that bring memory and connect to those families...parents, spouses, children, friends. Like the respect of their dignity has been tramped upon.

I was told by someone recently that the one wall that has the frame around it, no one was to touch that. Then I got thinking...wait?! Why is that one wall not allowed to be touched by anyone but yet it is ok to show disrespect to these soldiers, or an UF alumni or anyone else.  It just didn't make sense at all. I know the wall with frame were the few who were murdered in the 90's.  But what made them any different from anyone else who has died here in Gainesville?  I know it was a horrid crime to what happened, never to be forgotten. I know about murder...my mother was. So I have had the taste of it and for over 40 years.  But these soldiers, or anyone else including my son should not be exempt.

I needed to see the light to why that one framed wall was so privileged while others were being vandalized, disrespected.  It was becoming clear to me, a wall to express ourselves but yet we see so much of this "expression" as not pure art but more like vandalism and it was allowed.



While I stood there, weeping, hurting with this heart break of not having Tim in my life, I realized something...I know sounds stupid and crazy, but maybe I need to use Black, White and Red. Colors I did not see as cheery...but maybe he will get the attention and maybe these soldiers would too.  And then the unspeakable happened.

As I stood there, leaning against the wall...weeping, a Gainesville police officier pulled up with his lights on.  As I approached his car, I noticed he was yapping away on a personal call and suddenly out of the blue he started to yell at me.

"You can not park here."  His face seemed red and he also seem to look confused.  I looked at him trying to get his attention but it seems his call was more important.  My face already in a motherly distress, my eyes (and nose) already red from the crying.  And I responded...

"Well I have seen others cars parked here.." not allowing me to finish, he rudely interrupts and yells "..only to unload then you have to leave."   and I'm like what? why would you unload and leave. And where in the hell do you park?  It did not make sense.   My car wasn't even parked on the street. It was off the street and partially on the sidewalk.  And I know I have seen so many cars parked here when painting, so his theory was full of crap.  So I just walked away from his car, mumbling, and again leaned against the wall and wept more.

This police officer did not stop to check on my well -being. He could careless. He was more concern over his stupid phone conversation and a vehicle that was not even parked on the street.  He drove off not looking back to see if I had jumped in front of a car!!! No sympathy. No compassion. No empathy. Nothing.  Cold. Heartless.  

So I wept more. I really didn't want to cause any problems with the police. There had been way to much of this crap going on  nationally.   So in utter distress, I just got into the car and left...for the fear of him coming back to verbally abuse me again.



I knew what I needed to do, and no matter what people were saying about this "expressing" yourself on this wall, there was far more crap on the wall then "expressing" yourself.  Something had to change.  Something to really to inspire people.   This wall was NOT inspiring people.  It was disgusting and sickening.  I would NOT let Tim's memorial become a disgrace.  I would NOT let those fallen soldiers become a disgrace.

To me...it would be sweet revenge.