Journal- My Emotions are High

My emotions are high.  Not just because I (was) a mother, but because I keep hearing how  so many boys with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy passes away. Last night, a 12 year old suddenly stopped breathing. And another DMD young man passed away too.

My emotions are high.  Hearing these young men pass triggers to many memories of Timothy. It hurts. I miss him all the more.

My emotions are high...I didn't spend thanksgiving with family.  Its bad enough I just lost the only member of my immediate family, but then I ended up having thanksgiving with my church family.  The best folks to be with, but you would think that blood relatives would had at least called to see how I'm dong...no one. Nothing.  Now I'm hearing, nothing is going on for Christmas.  Do you think anyone is considering that I NEED TO BE WITH FAMILY DURING THE HOLIDAYS.  I really don't think they get it.   I don't think anyone gets it.  Sadly, God forbid but maybe they need to experience what I did to get it. No,I'm not talking about a spouse, or sibiling or parent, but a child.  A Child.   No one gets it until they loose a child. And it doesn't matter how old the child is, it still hurts like hell.

So I'm confuse. What or where will I be for Christmas. Its like no one wants me around. But its like NO ONE gets it. I guess I'm now "invisible" too- gone like Timothy.  That is what it feels like.

My emotions are high. Memories of Timothy has been waving in my thoughts like no tomorrow. Not just the day he passed and all he had to suffer that day, but other memories are popping up from other times, dates, places.  Its like a slide show going on in my head. They are sweet memories..precious memories.  So this is day one to start memories of Timothy.  They will be random memories of different times and places.

Happy Holidays!

Day 1



One of the joys Timothy always had was animals. When we first moved to Gainesville in 2007, we had a cat, "Scratchie" whom we raised since a kitten.

Funny story.  When we lived in Sebring, we had so many Cats. I think I could maybe count up to 10 that came and went. Some stuck around alot. But we had one cat that had several litters. We fortunatly would catch her in time and she would have them in the house, otherwise they were born in the woods next to the house. 

She had one litter, that we managed to give away all the kittens. I'm trying to remember how many were in this litter.  I'm trying to remember her name...it will come to me. But anyhow, we gave most away.  Then one day there was a knock on the door, a couple with a kitten. They found the kitten near by and was not sure if she was one of ours. We thought at first she was but only to find out she wasn't. Well she was a he. And due to the claws this one had, Tim came up the name, "Scratchy".   He pretty much grew up fast, and by Tim's graduation from SH, we were ready to move.

The plan was to catch as many as we can to bring them with us.  But somehow, we were only able to catch Scracthy, which by the way was an all black cat with some white on his chest.  I don't even remember what happened the kitten of her last litter, which we were shock was only one kitten, instead of 2-4.  And now I can't remember his name right now either, (man my memory sucks, I need Tim he can name them all). So Scratchy came to Gainesville with us.

It was Tim's freshmen year at UF.  We had not been here but a few months, when Scratchy was acting up, not feeling well. It concerned both of us.So I took him into the vet one Saturday. That is when we learned that he had the feline leukemia. All I can remember is being so sad, and literally crying.  Tim was not at the vet with us but I kept him up to day via phone the whole time.  I pretty much allowed Tim to make the decisions.  I should had just brought scratchy home, but instead he came home in a box. They had to put him down.

I have never cried so much for a pet much less a cat like I did and of course Tim thought I was being a big baby.  At least he didn't show any emotions with me.

For a couple months more we didn't have a pet. We felt lonely about it and decided to adopt a cat from the Humane society after we had spent a few hours there with one of his classes (and my younger sister was there too). I thin it was in November when we adopted, Brochette.  Well, we didn't think she looked like a brochetta.

Only a few days later, we decided to re-name her...Baby-girl.  She was a beautiful long hair kitten.  Whom would sleep on Tim's bed with him sometimes.  But she was Tim's girl. ...
Seven years later, after Tm's death and when I became homeless, I had to take her back to the Humane Society. I didn't want to, but what was I to do. I couldn't find her a home.

A couple years ago, one of of Tim's nurses brought us a small yorkie..a dog we were told couldn't have puppies. A month later she did get pregnant by Val's dog, Lenny. Lenny was a tea-cup yorkie was loved to be with Tim,  a little guy and young while my new yorkie was five years old. So I would tease them as Mrs. Robinson.  In February, Khandi had 3 puppies. Puppies. Tim was so happy and excited. He was thrilled.  As young as they were, they slept near him, keeping him warm.  Lilly use to sirenate him.  In March, she died suddenly.  We were sad, but kept Lizzy.



Lizzy- a split image of Lenny became Tim's dog. Imitating Lenny she would give Tim her puppy bath licking his face.  While she was young and if he was in the hospital we would sneak in and she would sleep next to him.  When Tim passed, I brought Lizzy to his funeral, I put her in the coffin with him and she knew he was gone.  Smelling the embalming chemical she would back up but never hearing him call her and had hope she would give him one more puppy bath.




I know she misses him, probably not as much as I do...but Lizzy will always be Tim's yorkie.  Its what he wanted. Its what he desired.  Its what  he hoped for...& got.

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