Then I found the picture of moments before he died, you can see from his one eye that he was finding a way to communicate to you, to talk to you like he was asking where the family was, like he wanted to tell me he loved me and wanted to thank me for all i have done for him. You can see it in his eye, he wanted me to listen to him. "Stop! listen! I love you. thank you for my good life." ..and he did have a very good life and he was a good boy despite of the weird family he had-mostly on his father's side.
Timothy didn't die of just because complications of his DMD, his body swelled because of to much fluid in his body that he lost his ability to see, to talk, to hear, to laugh, to smile. And in that one moment, you can see his right eye as he stared down at you trying to talk to you through his eye, you know he was saying his good-byes. I didn't want to do this. Not now. Not with my boy. Why was life so unfair at that moment.
I found anger took control when not one family member (other than me) was there for him. Not his father, not his brothers or sisters, not his aunts, not his uncles, not his grandparents or his cousins. All of them did nothing but made excuses to why they couldn't come. That boy died believing that his family didn't love him enough to be with him in his last hours here on earth. That boy died feeling abandoned and rejected by his family. Because NO ONE bothered to call, text, email or even show up.. all of them made excuses. Excuses to why they can't come to give him one more hug. one more kiss. one more laugh. one more hug. one more hand shake. one more good-bye. No body showed up to say their good-byes.
The worse part is that not only did anyone show up during his moments of struggle to live, no one from his paternal side of the family bother to come to his funeral. No calls. NO cards. No flowers. No emails. No texts.
What happened to our society? What happened to our families? What happened to those connections? What happened to all that love and really caring. Why is there so much "hatred" or just to busy to notice. Where did all the good people go? All I can say is Judgement day is coming and they will have to answer to God to why they made excuses not to be by His side. Jesus talks about this in Matthew 25. The way we treat each other, is the exact same way we treat God.
We didn't have to turn off the life support for Timothy, he naturally passed on his own, but while in my arms. He should had also been in the arms of his father, his grandparents, his uncles and aunt and his brother, Josh and sister, Samantha. In his life, he should had not been left out of anything, but as life would show us, we will run into a lot of unfair matters in our lives.
I had the phone close to me, as I wept, while still talking to him, but the photo focused on the one eye that stared into me as he struggled to breath, to live a little bit longer. He didn't want to die, but he didn't want to suffer either. I wept as I talked to him and then the phone started to go dim and then it went black. I wept louder and more. It was so much of what the end of his life was to be as he dimmed away and then...died.
I'm sure if his soul was leaving him, he must had been devastated to look down and see how his body turned out to be...all swollen that it just was not Timothy. But I hope he took with him knowing he would be in a much better place, with a new body, a new spirit, a new heart. I had told him the day before before his body really swelled up, when I could see both of his two beautiful brown eyes, that his body was giving up even if his mind was not and that he would go into a deep sleep, no more suffering or pain and when he was to wake up the first thing he would see is Jesus. I plead with him to make sure his heart was right with God and to go in peace with Him.
As a parent, I will grieve for Timothy for the months and most likely the years ahead and I plead with Jesus to come very soon. I just want to be with Tim again...& my mother & grandmother.
The 3 most important people in my life are all gone. It may seem I'm all alone here on earth, but I have to remind myself, along with many others, that I am not alone, I still have One wonderful person by my side...God.
It is now 3am, and my heart still weeps. It will be in a few hours I'll have to wake up and find my way to class. I will go for now, but know this is where I lay down my thoughts. It is destined to be told before the lights go out.
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