Journa - Focus on Hope

 I know! I know! maybe you are tired of it. Perhaps you are and if I was in your shoes, I probably would be too. however, I am now in these shoes and my life has changed totally due to the loss of Timothy.  I don't think any one really truly understands the pain and heart break when you loose a child. It is so easy to say..."get over it, move on, you knew this was going to happen.."  well maybe so, but until you actually literally loose your child, your life absolutely changes.

 Clara Hinton hits it right on the nail: 

"Losing a child is far different from any other type of loss. When child loss occurs, we lose part of our heart, part of our soul, part of our future, part of our purpose, part of so many hopes and dreams. And, nobody or nothing can ever fill the place of our child!!! There will always be a special place missing in our lives and even in a lifetime we never fully come to complete terms with the loss of our child. Heaven becomes our focus and hope!!!"


...and when you hear the stories of the hundreds and thousands who also loose a child, you relate to that pain, that heart  break. 

Recently, while in Sabbath School, they were talking about Death and how the Bible teaches about death. Basically the SDA believes what the Bible says.  Ok, so do I. But then my son died.  And trying to explain what a mother experiences is hard for a group of people to understand when they have never been there. Some who have never been parents either.   How do you explain that keeping that connection with that child is so important?  No one understands until they loose their child.  They can talk all they want about the beliefs, etc...etc..etc.. but when you loose that child, something happens to the brain. 

" When child loss first takes place, we live in a fog -- I call it a protective fog. We're not fully able to understand the reality of the loss, yet we're aware that our child is not here. We feel lost, broken, lonely, and confused not knowing where to turn for help. The very, very difficult thing about this is that society puts such pressure on us to perform as "normal" -- we're expected to go back to work, pick up where we left off with family, friends, and activities. And, as we know, that is impossible. For a long time we function as robots -- not fully aware of what is going on around us. The only thing we know for certain is that our child is gone, and it hurts to the very center of our soul!" Silent Greif-Clara Hinton


Something happens to the way you think.  Something happens the way you feel.  Something happens about the way your behavioral is.  There is something that affects your brain when that child is gone. You are never ever the same again.  Clara Hinton talks about this in her book, and I hate to say this, she is so right. She gets it. She understands that grief. She understands that loss. Do you know why?  She too lost a child. 




"Support from friends and family is so critical following the loss of a child. Just knowing that others are there and that they sincerely care helps so much!! Sadly, most people drop away after a few weeks because the normal routine of life goes on for them. Our need for lots of support continues to be needed for a long, long time, though. If only others understood the emptiness we feel with child loss!!!"  Clara Hinton from her book..."Silent Grief" 



I don't blog just to get it out of my system, I blog to also educate people, not only about my journey, but through my experience, through the things I myself have learned, I hope you too can learn and walk through my experience to understand.  And if you don't experience it, its because you want to shut it out.  

Timothy was not just my son, but my best friend.  I still want to run to him to tell him stuff that might happened,  or what the dogs did, or about a movie or a tv show.  No matter what, its still in my system to want to talk to him, to be with him, to pray with him, to sing to him. 

So please don't lecture me.  Don't tell me to move on. Don't tell me to get over it.  I am moving on, but my moving on does NOT have your approval of how I am moving on because until you are in my shoes, experience this loss, this death, this pain, this heart break...you will never ever understand what I truly am experiencing.  You can be family, you can be a friend, you can be a church family member...it does not matter, until you actually loose a child you will never ever understand this heartache. 

Yes I believe what the Bible says, but I also believe at this moment how important it is to connect with  my son.  I know he is in a deep sleep and I know he, like myself, is eagerly awaiting for Jesus coming. 

I am focusing on Hope...& I hope you are too!