Journal - Cancer free or not?!!

So am I or am I not cancer free?

Nothing like the devastation of finding out that I just may not be cancer free. Did a nurse in an email confirmed that I am not cancer free as she did in an earlier date by a doctor, in which one other doctor also slipped to tell me I am not.  (ok I got email to show this by these doctors and nurses). 

It frightens me that all this time I thought I was cancer free only to find out there is a chance I may not.  Am I over reacting. Maybe they made a mistake. Maybe they mistaken me as another patient. Should I be under suspicious  and worried ... or what I can just say to leave it all in God's hands. Is this a test from God?  But even if it were true, even God would not want me to sit back and do nothing. He would expect me to get up and do something about it.  right?! Its not a matter of just trusting Him, which I do! or even stepping out in that big leap of faith, which I do!  But still I'm human and my mind will re-think a lot of things. NOT of God, but the medical world. Which we know will make a lot mistakes, yes even big mistakes.

I was finally able to talk to a friend who has been like my "adoptive son" more so since Tm's death. Fortunately he does work in the medical world and is going to help me sort this out. Hopefully by later today I will know more.  

But in the mean time, the house I thought I was moving into this weekend, is not happening as soon as I thought.  2-3 more weeks. So as of Sunday, I don't know where I'm going to be sleeping.  

Please continue to pray for me.

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